Too 'In it' to win it??

So, I did the P90X thing for almost a week and then life got in the way and I fell off track and stopped. Which is really sucky because I did realize something about the whole dieting and working out thing. :(

I was definitely seeing a change in my body during the p90X week but during that time I felt like I didn't have very much energy and that it was difficult to keep up the diet because I couldn't manage to wake up early enough to make the 6 egg whites plus the rest of breakfast - let alone get any dishes done with all the cooking I was doing and it just felt like more of a pain in the ass than anything.

And I imagined how nice it would be to have a slice of pizza and just relax - I am constantly wondering why I cant be a 'normal person' that eats whatever they want and doesn't flip out over every pound. Why does my life have to revolve around dieting and working out and being skinny?

The thing is - the second I stopped doing the P90X diet and workout - I instantly felt awful. And not the guilty awful - the "Wow, my body was really happy and healthy and now I just dumped a bunch of crap into it". All of a sudden I could feel the damage that the bad food was doing to my body. While I was doing it - I couldn't see how much of a change was happening - I couldn't see how good it was for me - it just seemed like a huge pain in the ass to keep up.

I'm not gonna lie - those workout videos are amazing! I was having flashbacks of when I used to train with a trainer and was drenched in sweat and couldn't wait to stop (but looked fabulous after wards).

The thing is - I look at dieting and working out as being inconvenient, and something that is less important than just about everything else. Like, if the apartment is a mess than I don't want to skip out and go to the gym - I would rather clean up. Or especially when it comes to my guy - I would much rather spend a few hours with him than leave and workout.

But the thing is - those people who always work out and always eat right and in moderation - they make it a part of their life, just like all those other tiny little chores we accept on a daily basis without complaining.

If you think sticking to a diet is hard or making time for working out is hard - think about the fact that tons of girls wont even step outside their front door without putting make-up on. You wouldn't dare leave the house without brushing your teeth - even if it made you late for work. Every time I put on my sneakers I have to tie my shoes - that gets annoying - but I do it.

I used to have this teacher in high school that used to say "You don't have to do anything - the only thing you have to do is die". It used to drive me and all the other students crazy because we felt like we 'had' to go to school and 'had' to do our homework and a bunch of other stuff we didn't feel like doing. But he was right - we could have not done those things and we had that choice - but then we would have to deal with the consequences. We could look at dieting the same way.

We don't have to diet or workout - EVER. We could go the rest of our lives eating whatever we want whenever we want and never running or doing push-ups or anything else. We could stop wearing make-up and not have to go and buy it or put it on every morning. We could stop washing our clothes and just wear our favorite outfit every day. Those all have consequences but at least its our choice.

The thing is - I DO want to workout and I do want to eat healthy and I do want to wear makeup and look pretty and have clean clothes on - I only take responsibility for my actions when it comes to some things.

When I don't stay on my diet - its not because I didn't have time in the morning or because my friends came over for dinner or because I deserved it because I was on vacation or any other excuse I tell myself.....its because I didn't want to. And its one of those consequences that we are willing to live with because we are not letting anyone else down except for ourselves - and we are okay with that on some level. If we made staying on a diet as important and natural as going to work or doing laundry or brushing our teeth everyday then it might be easier. Its one of those necessary things we must do - and must make time for.

The moral of the story is - Ive never stuck to a diet or workout plan for a whole month straight. Whenever I am 'in it' it feels like a burden and its so easy just to stop. But what I am not acknowledging is that my body is changing during that time and that I am happy and if I just force myself to stick to it then I will get all the rewards.

I was reading this diet book once and it said that whenever you are fighting a craving that you should pull out a note card with all the reasons you want to lose weight, like "I want to fit into those jeans" or "I want to look good naked". I think that if I did those note cards I would write "Whenever you give in to a craving you feel extremely disappointed in yourself and you know in your heart that giving in wasn't worth it".